Thank you Mary.
Thank you for writing Thin Places.
Thank you for writing words that heal…first you, now me.
Thank you for having the courage to allow Jesus to lead you to, and through, those thin, sometimes still bleeding places in your heart to your healing.
Thank you for having the courage to share them with me.
Thank you for not preaching at me, but just being with me while I read.
Thank you for the anointing of the Holy Spirit upon your words, which help me to recognize and want to experience my own thin places—with Jesus.
Thank you for the fact that I have not even finished the book yet, and already I am changed.
Thank you for the things I cannot yet put into words for the ways God is using your book, and you, to heal, encourage, strengthen, and equip me for the work He desires to do in my life. You will never know how perfect the timing, or how powerful the voice that speaks to me tonight from every precious black-inked page.
To me, they are red. Every story, every thin place, revealing the redemption found only in the shed blood of Jesus. He died for you and He died for me. No brand name jeans, no recognition from another, no coveted possession or position remains with us at the foot of the cross.
Thank you Mary, because that’s where I find myself tonight, and there’s no place in life I’d rather be.
Linda Crawford
Welcome to Family Secrets. So many of us live with secrets that haunt us, keep us awake at night, or noodle their way into our lives. Some secrets are funny (think: embarrassing moments). Some are tragic. But many hold us captive. In Daisy Chain, many characters harbor secrets, but only a few are brave enough to bring them to the light of day and find freedom and hope. That's why I created this site—to give you a safe place to air a secret anonymously. It’s my way to help you turn your trial to triumph. If you'd like to do that, click the “Tell Your Secret” link now. All secrets are kept anonymous, and will be posted with discretion (Please temper graphic secrets). It’s my desire that this blog will become a community for many, and that thousands of folks will experience freedom when they’ve shared their family secret. Because the truth is, despite the darkness, there is hope.
Wednesday
Tuesday
The Perfect Little Family's devastating secret
Anonymous writes:
My family secret is that my father molested me for over two years, beginning when I was 8. And my younger sister did the same thing. I tried to tell my mother, but she ignored me because she can't stand the thought of this family not being her "perfect little family." We never have been.
My family secret is that my father molested me for over two years, beginning when I was 8. And my younger sister did the same thing. I tried to tell my mother, but she ignored me because she can't stand the thought of this family not being her "perfect little family." We never have been.
Thin Places Testimony Month: Lucy shares her story
Hi Mary,
I finished This Places. Wow! The two chapters that hit me the hardest are Snapshot and Marked. I too was sexually abused -- molested by an older brother.
God has healed me. . .mostly. I still get hung up in enjoying sex fully with my husband.
If you get criticism -- and chances are you will, not because your book is bad (it's excellent. . .and so raw, so real) but because it'll threaten some folks -- remember you wrote Thin Places to give comfort to others as God has comforted you. And, as you say, to work out your healing through the Holy Spirit.
By the way, Patrick and your kids come off great. Caring, loving.
You come off well, too, but with a limp. Kinda like Jacob. (You also got those boys in the tree house real good!)
My favorite poem: pages 211-212.
How God will continue to bless you! Blessings and hugs, Lucy
Lucy later wrote this:
I finished This Places. Wow! The two chapters that hit me the hardest are Snapshot and Marked. I too was sexually abused -- molested by an older brother.
God has healed me. . .mostly. I still get hung up in enjoying sex fully with my husband.
If you get criticism -- and chances are you will, not because your book is bad (it's excellent. . .and so raw, so real) but because it'll threaten some folks -- remember you wrote Thin Places to give comfort to others as God has comforted you. And, as you say, to work out your healing through the Holy Spirit.
By the way, Patrick and your kids come off great. Caring, loving.
You come off well, too, but with a limp. Kinda like Jacob. (You also got those boys in the tree house real good!)
My favorite poem: pages 211-212.
How God will continue to bless you! Blessings and hugs, Lucy
Lucy later wrote this:
While reading Thin Places, I marveled at Mary's willingness to share deep. Her deep sharing ministered to me. It helped me see some of my own thin places where I glimpsed God:
Among them, as an eight-year-old girl rummaging the grass in my front yard for a four-leaf clover to wish that my parents would remarry and, I FOUND ONE! Honest. I knew God gave it to me. He gave me hope.
And another, after my older brother molested me a number of times and I SAID NOTHING because I thought I was at fault. I wasn't, I remember saying to God, 'I can't handle this right now. I have no one safe to tell.' About fifteen years later, married and the mom of a preschooler, God said, "This is the time, Lucy." Another thin place. I first told a priest in third person, though we both know I was talking about me, then my husband. My husband was and is my safe person. Soon I sought counseling. God healed me. Completely.
And still another. Flying from Krasnodar, Russia, to Moscow, with my new baby boy on my lap, water from outside the plane dripped on my arm. Warning, Warning! God reminded me of a prayer I pray over my children, "Lord, my kids each have a major loss of abandonment by their birthparents. Do not let me die until they are old enough to live without me." Calm overcame me. I met God in the thin place of a leaky Russian airplane where passengers in the back smoked cigarettes and drank vodka.
Mary's book helped remind me that our God is faithful. And near."
Blessings,
Lucy
Monday
Win a Kindle! Really!
Now, we invite you to tell your story of a thin place in your own life . . . and we’re giving you the opportunity to win a Kindle reader for doing so!
Here’s how to participate:
1) In exactly 259 words – the retail value of a Kindle reader – tell us about a time you experienced a “thin place” in your life. These would be aha moments, beautiful realizations when the Son of God bursts through the hazy fog of our monotony and shines on us afresh, times when God has reminded or reassured you that he is real and present.
2) Post your essay on your blog or website. Once you’ve posted to your blog, add a link to your post in the Mr. Linky widget found here. If you post to a Facebook account or do not have a place to post, then submit your essay in the body of an email to info at blogtourspot dot com. Your entry must be received (either by Mr. Linky or email) by midnight, Friday, February 12th to be eligible for the contest.
3) Personally invite at least two people you know to join the contest. You can do that by email, in person, or by adding an invitation to your blog posting. This will be done on the honor system (we don’t need to know names), but please help us by spreading the word. Please link directly to this post. Entries in your own linking system/comments will not be included.
Thin Places Testimony Month: Anonymous shares her story
I'm almost done with Thin Places - I think I'm on the very last chapter. I was just too pooped to finish last night! (Sad, really.)
I don't think you need my validation or my kudos, but I hope you'll allow me to share with you some of the many thoughts I've had while reading your memoir.
Your children sound absolutely amazing and a true testimony to having some wonderful and godly parents. I love how real you've been with them through some of the tough times. I know I'd rather my kids not see the "raw" me, only the strong, I can do it all, me, but they need to see all our sides to know that it's normal to feel all these different things.
I can't remember how you phrased it but when you talk about the anger (and throwing things) -- but a little bell went off and resonated with me. YES! Is exactly what I thought. I totally get that. I keep that anger monster under wraps about 99.9999% of the time, but it sure disturbs me when it actually comes out. I'm glad to know I'm not the only Christian who struggles with that.
Actually, many of the things you have struggled with through the years, I have too. I guess that's what I really wanted to share with you. While I wasn't sexually abused as a child, I still have gone through many of the same things. I think my "addiction" was approval from others which in turn made me do some very bad things. If I had to do "this" to get you to approve of me and show me affection, then "this" is what I'm going to do. You can fill in the "this" blank with just about anything. It wasn't until the past year that God really opened my eyes to how much pressure I put on my husband to constantly fill me up by showering me with his love and affection - more more more...give me more! I was teaching Sunday school one day and the bell went off. Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes. I came home and apologized profusely to him, and, of course, he thought I was a little nuts. But, that's really not anything new and that's a different topic all together :-).
Since we're so close in age, I grew up in the free-loving 70's. Our house was the party house. When I was a wee child, I remember being the bartender for my mom's friends. I remember finding pot and asking my mom what it was. I remember being woken up by drunk people slurring their words and arguing or just "talking". I can't tell you how many times I was woken up by a mother who was enraged by something and wanted to make sure I knew about it. One minute yelling, the next minute crying. The last time I saw her like that I was 22 years old and I was cowered in a corner between the wall and my chest of drawers. My husband & I were moving my stuff out to move to South Carolina. I swore then that I would never act that like around my children or let them see me that way (and they haven't ever seen me drunk or that angry!).
After playing Christian for most of my life, God finally got me hook, line and sinker in August, 2006 and I made a true profession of faith. I wanted to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. It's a been a wild ride and not one my husband and I share, which is unfortunate for him because WOW what a better way of life! I still struggle with things. I try not to be a Pharisee, and make laws and rules that I can't follow or hold others up to the standards I have set. I appreciate knowing I'm not alone.
I appreciate that you shared your life story and the struggles you have had and still have. Your story has touched me in many ways. More importantly, I saw God in your story and could look for Him in my own thin places. Thank you for sharing you and Him. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read your story before it is released.
I will be praying for you and for His glory to shine through your words.
I don't think you need my validation or my kudos, but I hope you'll allow me to share with you some of the many thoughts I've had while reading your memoir.
Your children sound absolutely amazing and a true testimony to having some wonderful and godly parents. I love how real you've been with them through some of the tough times. I know I'd rather my kids not see the "raw" me, only the strong, I can do it all, me, but they need to see all our sides to know that it's normal to feel all these different things.
I can't remember how you phrased it but when you talk about the anger (and throwing things) -- but a little bell went off and resonated with me. YES! Is exactly what I thought. I totally get that. I keep that anger monster under wraps about 99.9999% of the time, but it sure disturbs me when it actually comes out. I'm glad to know I'm not the only Christian who struggles with that.
Actually, many of the things you have struggled with through the years, I have too. I guess that's what I really wanted to share with you. While I wasn't sexually abused as a child, I still have gone through many of the same things. I think my "addiction" was approval from others which in turn made me do some very bad things. If I had to do "this" to get you to approve of me and show me affection, then "this" is what I'm going to do. You can fill in the "this" blank with just about anything. It wasn't until the past year that God really opened my eyes to how much pressure I put on my husband to constantly fill me up by showering me with his love and affection - more more more...give me more! I was teaching Sunday school one day and the bell went off. Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes. I came home and apologized profusely to him, and, of course, he thought I was a little nuts. But, that's really not anything new and that's a different topic all together :-).
Since we're so close in age, I grew up in the free-loving 70's. Our house was the party house. When I was a wee child, I remember being the bartender for my mom's friends. I remember finding pot and asking my mom what it was. I remember being woken up by drunk people slurring their words and arguing or just "talking". I can't tell you how many times I was woken up by a mother who was enraged by something and wanted to make sure I knew about it. One minute yelling, the next minute crying. The last time I saw her like that I was 22 years old and I was cowered in a corner between the wall and my chest of drawers. My husband & I were moving my stuff out to move to South Carolina. I swore then that I would never act that like around my children or let them see me that way (and they haven't ever seen me drunk or that angry!).
After playing Christian for most of my life, God finally got me hook, line and sinker in August, 2006 and I made a true profession of faith. I wanted to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. It's a been a wild ride and not one my husband and I share, which is unfortunate for him because WOW what a better way of life! I still struggle with things. I try not to be a Pharisee, and make laws and rules that I can't follow or hold others up to the standards I have set. I appreciate knowing I'm not alone.
I appreciate that you shared your life story and the struggles you have had and still have. Your story has touched me in many ways. More importantly, I saw God in your story and could look for Him in my own thin places. Thank you for sharing you and Him. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read your story before it is released.
I will be praying for you and for His glory to shine through your words.
Friday
Thin Places Testimony Month: Carol shares her story
Carol wrote:
Mary DeMuth’s photograph on the back of her newest release, Thin Places, proves her now-healed and open soul, so sweetly and honestly laid before her readers. Her story of childhood sexual abuse and subsequent deep-rooted insecurities can help other women who have suffered similar travesties in their lives.
DeMuth spares nothing in creating the images necessary for our understanding and yet, we are able to take it in. There is no dwelling on self-pity, no bitterness. She seeks healing from her Savior. She processes her memories for us through the lens of forgiveness found in Christ. She sets the example for those of us who know all too well what she’s talking about. We are not to live in our past and are not to bear those burdens forever in silence, unprotected.
We choose to allow God to take it from us, to hear the cries, to salve the soul. We learn from other authors and other believers how to process our own pain.
Thanks to Mary DeMuth for the soul photography in Thin Places, where we sense the presence of God in all His magnificence. It truly is only through our weakness that we are strong.
Mary DeMuth’s photograph on the back of her newest release, Thin Places, proves her now-healed and open soul, so sweetly and honestly laid before her readers. Her story of childhood sexual abuse and subsequent deep-rooted insecurities can help other women who have suffered similar travesties in their lives.
DeMuth spares nothing in creating the images necessary for our understanding and yet, we are able to take it in. There is no dwelling on self-pity, no bitterness. She seeks healing from her Savior. She processes her memories for us through the lens of forgiveness found in Christ. She sets the example for those of us who know all too well what she’s talking about. We are not to live in our past and are not to bear those burdens forever in silence, unprotected.
We choose to allow God to take it from us, to hear the cries, to salve the soul. We learn from other authors and other believers how to process our own pain.
Thanks to Mary DeMuth for the soul photography in Thin Places, where we sense the presence of God in all His magnificence. It truly is only through our weakness that we are strong.
Thursday
Thin Places Testimony Month: Rachel shares her story
Dear Mary,
I'm waiting to post my review of Thin Places until February, but I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated it. The Lord used it to creak open doors in my heart that I was throwing my full weight against to keep shut. I sat in a room by myself for six hours and ugly-cried, and wiped my mouth off compulsively (while reading about your first kiss and remembering mine), and spontaneously prayed out loud, begging the Lord (again) for healing, to let me "be done."
My life was very different from yours, but I ended up growing twisty in the same ways. I even have El Roi tattooed on my wrist in Hebrew! Whaddya know. I felt bad sucking the book down so quickly when I can only imagine the time it took to write (not to mention the time it took to live it all out...). Anyway. It is a life-changing book for me.
Thank you for making yourself write it. I can't imagine having the courage. I'm praying that the book reaches a broad audience, and that you become a scrillionaire for your efforts. Doing my part on launch day by ordering two copies on Amazon for two girlies I know. :)
Thanks again.
Rachel
I'm waiting to post my review of Thin Places until February, but I wanted to tell you how much I appreciated it. The Lord used it to creak open doors in my heart that I was throwing my full weight against to keep shut. I sat in a room by myself for six hours and ugly-cried, and wiped my mouth off compulsively (while reading about your first kiss and remembering mine), and spontaneously prayed out loud, begging the Lord (again) for healing, to let me "be done."
My life was very different from yours, but I ended up growing twisty in the same ways. I even have El Roi tattooed on my wrist in Hebrew! Whaddya know. I felt bad sucking the book down so quickly when I can only imagine the time it took to write (not to mention the time it took to live it all out...). Anyway. It is a life-changing book for me.
Thank you for making yourself write it. I can't imagine having the courage. I'm praying that the book reaches a broad audience, and that you become a scrillionaire for your efforts. Doing my part on launch day by ordering two copies on Amazon for two girlies I know. :)
Thanks again.
Rachel
Wednesday
Thin Places Testimony Month: Allison shares her story
Hi Mary,
I received my copy of Thin Places today and I have to tell you that as I held it in my hands the Holy Spirit washed over me with such a warmth and a peace that I was moved to tears. I love it when God does that! I'm so thrilled to say that I get to read your story and am even more excited to see how God will move in you and in the lives of the women who read it. It takes courage to step out and share the truth, especially a truth that has been so painful. Thank you for taking the time to share and for acting in obedience to the hand of the Lord and his direction. You are an inspiration to many...myself included.
Thank you for letting me be an influencer and I look forward to passing you along. I already have a few ladies in mind who will be receiving this book from me.
Many blessings and may God give you peace in the weeks ahead.
Allison
P.S. I'm happy for you and I've already ordered it for one friend and plan to do the same for a few others I'm praying about. I have to say that I'm just blown away. As I've been reading my own heart has cried out in pain, your story touches on my own healing journey and I empathize with you as that small little girl. You've overcome a lot Mary and I'm praising God for you.
I received my copy of Thin Places today and I have to tell you that as I held it in my hands the Holy Spirit washed over me with such a warmth and a peace that I was moved to tears. I love it when God does that! I'm so thrilled to say that I get to read your story and am even more excited to see how God will move in you and in the lives of the women who read it. It takes courage to step out and share the truth, especially a truth that has been so painful. Thank you for taking the time to share and for acting in obedience to the hand of the Lord and his direction. You are an inspiration to many...myself included.
Thank you for letting me be an influencer and I look forward to passing you along. I already have a few ladies in mind who will be receiving this book from me.
Many blessings and may God give you peace in the weeks ahead.
Allison
P.S. I'm happy for you and I've already ordered it for one friend and plan to do the same for a few others I'm praying about. I have to say that I'm just blown away. As I've been reading my own heart has cried out in pain, your story touches on my own healing journey and I empathize with you as that small little girl. You've overcome a lot Mary and I'm praising God for you.
Tuesday
Thin Places Testimony Month: SW shares her story
Mary,
I am still reading your memoir, but I want you to know it has blessed me. I have several sections with pieces of paper in them for me to go back to. I identified with the Shame chapter as I continually beat myself up. The parenting chapter even though I'm now a grandparent so I can be lousy at that, too. They say I'm a good parent. The search for perfection and praise I didn't get at home. The doing good things hoping some day I will be good enough. God has been with me and I have a good family and a loving husband who protect me from myself.
I've always been drawn to you because I sat at the table next to you at ACFW. You were sitting with another missionary wife and crying because you were so tired from your flight from France. I prayed silently for you as your friend comforted you.
God bless you and protect you as you continue to bless others with your writing, speaking, and website. I know your website and books have blessed me.
SW
I am still reading your memoir, but I want you to know it has blessed me. I have several sections with pieces of paper in them for me to go back to. I identified with the Shame chapter as I continually beat myself up. The parenting chapter even though I'm now a grandparent so I can be lousy at that, too. They say I'm a good parent. The search for perfection and praise I didn't get at home. The doing good things hoping some day I will be good enough. God has been with me and I have a good family and a loving husband who protect me from myself.
I've always been drawn to you because I sat at the table next to you at ACFW. You were sitting with another missionary wife and crying because you were so tired from your flight from France. I prayed silently for you as your friend comforted you.
God bless you and protect you as you continue to bless others with your writing, speaking, and website. I know your website and books have blessed me.
SW
Monday
Thin Places Testimony Month: Kim shares her story
Not sure you remember, but I contacted you from the ACFW loop after you'd posted about not being acknowledged as a writer by your family, I believe. This was a few months ago. I told you I am also a survivor of childhood abuse and that I hadn't read any of your work because I just wasn't at the place I could.
I picked up Thin Places last week in Denver and I just want to tell you how beautifully written it is! And how it has impacted my own journey.
Some background:
I was sodomized at age 2 by my uncle who was about 18 and lived with us briefly. To my knowledge, it was a one time event, but one that led me on a journey of beating myself up through abusive, serial relationships and sexual promiscuity as I tried to figure out life and why it hurt so much. At the time I remembered what I'd been punishing myself for, I'd been married four times and had finally stopped running from God after finding myself alone with no answers for life at all. The one thing I hadn't wanted to do was to be a single parent so I didn't have my daughter until I was 33 and sure that that relationship would last. It didn't and my healing began when my daughter was two and looked just like me at that age. God's timing is perfect.
Through prayer, I re-experienced what I'd experienced at age 2 but had buried for 33 years. Jesus came into the vision and carried me down the steps into our basement and stood holding me by the bed where it happened and told me to not carry the shame of it; it wasn't my fault.
For as long as I could remember, I'd felt like underneath all my success (I am an over achiever even now :0) I had done something really bad, I just didn't know what it was.
Jesus in His mercy and grace returned the buried memory on the Friday night before I was to be baptized on Wednesday evening so that when I went under the water it truly was a cleansing. Nothing else to wash away.
I dealt with the anger at my uncle who was beloved in my family and known as a "great guy." He had died in an accident by the time my memory returned but at family events he would be talked about and everyone would tell "Ronnie stories" (he was a real practical joker so everyone had a funny story). It was all I could do to not stand up and scream, "He ruined my life!"
Worse still was the anger I felt at my Mom for not protecting me or noticing something was wrong. My mom is not a person who deals with things--she stuffs them, puts on a happy face and goes on. Somehow I knew she could not/would not deal with this about her favorite brother and so she does not know even now. I told my older sister who told my younger sister, but after a "I'm so sorry" it is almost like it is "get over it already" attitude.
Because of my past, I have always been the different one, the family black sheep. Talented but messed up. Successful but messy otherwise. I am known as selfish and self-centered in my family and my family goes on without my input. I live 250 miles away from where most of them still live and though sometimes that is easier, I wonder how other people can love me and think I'm a great person and to my family I'm still the irresponsible girl who talks too much. I think part of it is that when I achieved "worldly" success and financial success, they could still say, "Yes, but her personal life is messed up." After my memory returned and I could heal, I married a great Godly guy, began my drama ministry and wrote my first book (which they hated, btw :0), they no longer could box me into the successful but messed up category and so they just hold me at arms length.
Which brings me to today--As I read Thin Places, I saw so many places where our lives parallel in our emotions and how we react and respond to life. My need to control, my inability to take criticism well, my choice of bully friends, an interest in porn even at a very young age, even down to struggling with singing on the worship team.
I have been in a season of life where I have again faced many challenges--everything in my life except my marriage and family have been challenged in some way--my drama ministry where I portray women in Scripture, my work as a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist, loss of a friendship and prayer partner of 5 years and most importantly, my friendships in my church where I have been worship leader for 5 years (small church, small town, non-denominational church with some used to traditional hymns and lots of young people who want "modern" music).
A couple of prominent women in the church began to first criticize the music choices and then it turned to criticism of me and my involvement not just in the music, but saying I was doing so many things in the church, no one else had a chance to do anything. My husband and I met with the other couple and the Pastor met with the other woman and her husband and they were repentant but it didn't really stop. We're talking about stuff like filling the coffee pot for Sunday morning because I'd be at the church Sat. night going over music--just so someone else wouldn't have to come in, or decorating the altar--minute stuff which when I stopped doing, no one else did! When I asked if I should step back in or who was going to do these things, I was told people were too intimidated by me to step up--I was a "hard act to follow!" Give me a break! Anyway....it was just very hard because my "family" has been my church family and I was left feeling lonely and hurt by all of that. For months I went to church not really trusting anyone because those who'd talked against me, I'd considered friends and sisters in Christ. It has been very painful.
Enter Thin Places. Oh, Mary, you write so beautifully! God has so gifted you to touch broken hearts and those that need to understand them. I wept my way through about 1/3 of the book the first night and then couldn't sleep. I got up to cry and pray and read Scripture. I felt a little like I did when I was first saved--who am I? If I am not the funny girl who parties and tells dirty jokes, then who am I? If all of this perfectionism, control, over achieving busyness comes from the abuse then who am I and who was I meant to be if this had never happened. I find myself at 53, trying to figure it out.
I posted a request to the ACFW prayer loop and had an outpouring of love and prayers and the fear and hurt has lifted from my spirit. I am continuing to read and also see parallels in the husband God gave to you and the great gift of a husband God gave to me. I am seeing evidence of healing in every page and seeing it in my own life. God has always worked with me in seasons and I see myself entering a new season of Him pouring life into me in a new way. I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I could finally see that some of my "personality traits" were residual sin patterns left behind as coping mechanisms that it is time to jettison. That I have far to go before I sleep. And that is okay. He is faithful.
Bless you, Mary. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for not hiding and pretending. Thank you for saying it is okay to be messy and broken. That even after we know and walk with Jesus life still has challenges as we are transformed into the image of our Savio
Saturday
My Memoir (with secrets!) releases!
I'm thrilled to be able to announce the birthing of Thin Places! You can now buy it anywhere online and/or your local bookstore. Buy from Christian Book Distributors, Barnes & Noble, or Amazon. The Kindle version is a bit cheaper.
Here's the book trailer, in case you've missed it:
And here are a few things you can do (if you're so inclined) to help spread the word about this book:
- Tell Ten! On February 5th, Thin Place’s official release date, tell, text, email, or call ten friends and promote the book.
- Post a review on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Shelfari.com, Goodreads.com, Epinions.com, Libarything.com, and/or CBD.com.
- Invite me to keynote or speak for a retreat based on the message of this book. I also do a one-hour workshop at a local library, writers group, or bookstore entitled, “How to Write a Memoir.” I’d much rather teach something practical than simply do a booksigning. (I also love to speak to youth.)
- Post your thoughts about the book on your blog, Facebook, or Twitter feed. Please email Tina Howard, who will coordinate my social media tour, at info@blogtourspot.com. Offer a giveaway to your online community.
- Make influencing into a cool, giving game. Give the book to someone who’d like it, then say, “If you like it, would you be willing to buy another copy to pass onto a friend?” If your friend doesn’t like it, he/she can return the book to you and you can lend/give it again.
- My friend Holly lends my books to her circle of friends at church. The only requirement? Each person who reads the book needs to write a note about the book on an inside page. It’s one clever way to create community.
- Start a book-sharing revolution. Register your book at www.bookcrossing.com. And then leave it somewhere! Bookcrossing will track its adventures.
- Recommend the book to your local book club. I’m available to chat via speakerphone (or in person if it’s near me).
- Ask your local bookstore or library to stock the book.
- Donate your book to a local prison ministry or women’s shelter.
- Share the book trailer. Go to youtube.com and type in “Thin Places Mary DeMuth.” For those of you who minister to people hurt by neglect, sexual abuse, unsafe homes, or drugs, feel free to use this video as a teaching tool.
- Give your book to a person of influence (pastor, ministry leader, counselor, Young Life leader, radio host).
- And most important: consider giving the book to a friend who needs the message.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this announcement! I do pray many will be touched by the message of hope and healing in this book.
Monday
Raped by brother
ANONYMOUS wrote this in response to this post about a brother's sexual abuse.
I was raped by my brother when I was about 10. I carried great pain for years until I cried and cried through a youth meeting when I was 16. A trusted friend got me to talk to him and he helped me understand that it was not my doing and was there for years to talk to me when the guilt and hate for my brother would rise up.
It wasn't until I was 36 that I felt the Lord tell me to fully forgive him. I did and have no pain or guilt now. Just memories of the events. God can take away the hatefullness of the crime. My mom still doesn't know of it, but those who helped me through were lifesaviors for me. I can now see, visit and hug my brother and not feel the pain, but only because God helped me to not only forgive with words but with my heart.
I was raped by my brother when I was about 10. I carried great pain for years until I cried and cried through a youth meeting when I was 16. A trusted friend got me to talk to him and he helped me understand that it was not my doing and was there for years to talk to me when the guilt and hate for my brother would rise up.
It wasn't until I was 36 that I felt the Lord tell me to fully forgive him. I did and have no pain or guilt now. Just memories of the events. God can take away the hatefullness of the crime. My mom still doesn't know of it, but those who helped me through were lifesaviors for me. I can now see, visit and hug my brother and not feel the pain, but only because God helped me to not only forgive with words but with my heart.
Friday
Advice for those escaping abusive marriages
Anonymous posted on this blog post some good advice. Here's what she wrote:
My advice is to take your girls and get out. Call the national domestic abuse hotline for help with finding a place to live, where to go, how to feed your kids, etc. There is a LOT of help out there for us. I know how hard it is, but it only gets worse. You want to stay alive and be there for your kids.
You might be in shock or denial, but think of your kids. You probably want to "break the cycle of abuse." You don't want your lovely daughters to think it is okay for daddy to hit mommy and talk that way to her...nor for them to grow up and find someone like that. You do not deserve how you are being treated, and it is not right. He is not going to change on his own.
What advice would you give your daughter if she were grown up and married to a man like your husband? I hope that I am not harsh. I don't mean to be. I know how hard it is to be in your situation, but you have to get out!
Take your kids with you. Get far away. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? You could call Legal Aide to talk to a free lawyer in your area for advice. They do not take your husband's income level, just yours to help you with a free lawyer. But there's lots of free advice they can give too if you are working and making a lot of money and don't qualify for a free lawyer.
I know it is scary. God is carrying you right now. Draw near to Him. He won't let you down. Don't be bitter because of your sitation. You DO have a choice and you can get out. Find out legally what you can do to protect your kids from him legally and don't let him know you are leaving. Make plans and take along your kid's documents like original birth certificates, social security numbers, immunization records, etc. Your kids probably know what's going on and they need you to help them and keep them safe.
I am sorry for your situation. I had to leave this past summer with my kids. God has really pulled through for me. There is a LOT of help out there through department of human services. It's important to get help and safety for your kids. It doesn't stop on it's own. Leaving my husband brought about some changes in him of getting on medicine and in therapy and appreciating the kids more and spending more quality time with them.
Don't let him know. Plan ahead, gather your stuff and get out. Don't tell your girls until you are out and safe. Or if you are hit, call the cops and file a report. Police documentation is important for protecting your kids later on. I know it is so hard to do. But you can still protect them. You said you want to protect them at any cost. It is a high cost, but it is necessary. Please do protect them.
You are not helpless. In a way, your kids are. They need you. It is better on the other side away from the abusive situation. There is hope. After 4 months, I started to be able to think more clearly and all his thoughts and cruel comments weren't always in my mind. I have a full time job, a place to live for now (about 800 miles away near my family) and my kids are happier. They see their father for visits and even though it is hard, it is BETTER.
I am still healing. God is faithful. These are my passionate thoughts on this subject matter. I know it's cold reality, but these are some things that I heard and I own, and it helped me to be safe. I hope they help you too. May God protect you and your girls. Thanks for reaching out and posting this. You are not what your husband says you are. God gave you your kids and they need you.
My advice is to take your girls and get out. Call the national domestic abuse hotline for help with finding a place to live, where to go, how to feed your kids, etc. There is a LOT of help out there for us. I know how hard it is, but it only gets worse. You want to stay alive and be there for your kids.
You might be in shock or denial, but think of your kids. You probably want to "break the cycle of abuse." You don't want your lovely daughters to think it is okay for daddy to hit mommy and talk that way to her...nor for them to grow up and find someone like that. You do not deserve how you are being treated, and it is not right. He is not going to change on his own.
What advice would you give your daughter if she were grown up and married to a man like your husband? I hope that I am not harsh. I don't mean to be. I know how hard it is to be in your situation, but you have to get out!
Take your kids with you. Get far away. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? You could call Legal Aide to talk to a free lawyer in your area for advice. They do not take your husband's income level, just yours to help you with a free lawyer. But there's lots of free advice they can give too if you are working and making a lot of money and don't qualify for a free lawyer.
I know it is scary. God is carrying you right now. Draw near to Him. He won't let you down. Don't be bitter because of your sitation. You DO have a choice and you can get out. Find out legally what you can do to protect your kids from him legally and don't let him know you are leaving. Make plans and take along your kid's documents like original birth certificates, social security numbers, immunization records, etc. Your kids probably know what's going on and they need you to help them and keep them safe.
I am sorry for your situation. I had to leave this past summer with my kids. God has really pulled through for me. There is a LOT of help out there through department of human services. It's important to get help and safety for your kids. It doesn't stop on it's own. Leaving my husband brought about some changes in him of getting on medicine and in therapy and appreciating the kids more and spending more quality time with them.
Don't let him know. Plan ahead, gather your stuff and get out. Don't tell your girls until you are out and safe. Or if you are hit, call the cops and file a report. Police documentation is important for protecting your kids later on. I know it is so hard to do. But you can still protect them. You said you want to protect them at any cost. It is a high cost, but it is necessary. Please do protect them.
You are not helpless. In a way, your kids are. They need you. It is better on the other side away from the abusive situation. There is hope. After 4 months, I started to be able to think more clearly and all his thoughts and cruel comments weren't always in my mind. I have a full time job, a place to live for now (about 800 miles away near my family) and my kids are happier. They see their father for visits and even though it is hard, it is BETTER.
I am still healing. God is faithful. These are my passionate thoughts on this subject matter. I know it's cold reality, but these are some things that I heard and I own, and it helped me to be safe. I hope they help you too. May God protect you and your girls. Thanks for reaching out and posting this. You are not what your husband says you are. God gave you your kids and they need you.
Thursday
Elizabeth's story: Missionary Husband Abused her
Today we're privileged to have Elizabeth share her story of how she ended up divorcing her abusive missionary husband. I hope it encourages many. And please, let's not make this a place where we debate the issue of divorce. Instead, let's seek to understand and offer compassion to those who are abused.
****
I have no trouble sharing my experience. (I don't need to be anonymous. I am not ashamed of what God has done for me.) One of the greatest joys in my mission life was sharing what God can and will do in lives of people.
My home church sided with my husband. For a time I lost life time friends and finances (I gave him everything he asked for.) The Lord was good. My 1st husband couldn't take our home as it was mine and never really belonged to him. It was a mobile home that set on family property. He didn't want the children, so he gave up all parental rights. That was the biggest blessing as they didn't have to visit with him. So like Job I lost all, but then God blessed me with so much more. He has made the end of my life much more full than the beginning ever was.
I was 7 years in Brazil. It was there when my 7th child was born that I made the decision that lead to the beginning of our divorce. To make a long story short. After our son's birth my husband wanted to take us to our Brazilian home that was being remolded to his specifications. (I was told in no uncertain terms. "It didn't matter what I wanted.") This home was full of Brazilian workers and had no roof or ceiling. The mission we were serving with told my husband it was unfit for a sick woman and new born child. (I had major surgery and almost died in childbirth and had undergone several blood transfusions and was bed ridden)
My husband said no way was he going to allow us to stay in mission apartments (free of charge). The mission asked me and I agreed with the mission. That was the first time I ever in marriage went against a decision made my him. This was the beginning of the end as he could not believe I would not back him up in this decision. I was just too sick to live in a home full of dust and strangers walking through my bedroom all the time.
From that point on things just slowly progressed to a more dangerous situation. At one point he drove our vehicle in front of a oncoming 18 wheeler with the children and I in the car. It was his way to get me to submit to his demands. Yet, I still would not leave him. The children begged me to divorce, but I couldn't. It was not until our mission found out the extent of the problem that they stepped in and began to counsel with me. Even with that I couldn't. I did not believe in divorce.
I had a close friend that offered me a weekend away in another state to seek the Lord. I went and stayed in their motor home and while there the Lord brought a Pastor who I greatly admired. He and his wife spent an afternoon with me. He handed me his bible and said, "Liz, show me where a wife is to cover-up for her husband. When you find it, I will preach it." He went on to explain to me that submission does not mean abuse. I went home with a new look on a biblical view of marriage. But, I still could not leave or divorce.
When the mission called us in and asked us about a specific physical abuse that occurred one Thanksgiving Day, I knew I had two chooses. 1. tell the truth and try to get help or 2. keep hiding the pain in our home. I picked #1.
He went through months of counseling. I went for a time. The beginning of our counseling was more than excellent. I learned so much and mostly about how to council with others. However, when individual counselors were assigned to us I knew being the one counseled was not for me.
First off the counselor told me that even if my husband took my life or the life of our children, I would have to accept that as, "God does not allow anything to happen to us that is outside His will for our lives." Sorry, I don't buy that. Much happens to us that Jesus sheds tears for us too. God allows much in our lives that was not his will for us. Second they asked me to pray and thank God for my husband and the life we had. I told them, "You have to be kidding.". There was no way I was going to thank God for the years I lived through abuse or for the man that knowing and willingly caused them.
Mary, we serve a God of love. He grieves because of our abuse. He allows it as we don't live in a perfect world and he allows us to make our own choices. Do to a Pastor God brought into my life I saw that abuse is not God's plan for us. And God hates divorce as much as I do. But the scripture tells us that "God divorced Israel." Some things are required to be done so that God can give life and give it more abundantly. I serve an awesome God. My abusive situation didn't make me blame him, it held me to him. What would I have done without God?
I have 3 children in full time Christian service. My daughter and family just started her first term in PNG. I don't question if God is good. I know he is! My hearts desire is being lived out in the children that God gave me to see me through those hard years. It does not make my desire any less, but it blesses my heart that God blessed me in having a part of me serve on foreign soil.
Keep the work you are doing. God can take the worse of situations. (mine was far from some of the worse cases out there) and end them in joy, peace and blessings if God is put in the center of lives. He is the only answer to the pain that is brought into life, but those hurting must come to know him and love him. He is not punishing anyone. God is waiting with open hands to welcome the hurting so he can touch and heal. I know. He has taken the pain, helped me forgive and given me life and life more abundantly.
****
I have no trouble sharing my experience. (I don't need to be anonymous. I am not ashamed of what God has done for me.) One of the greatest joys in my mission life was sharing what God can and will do in lives of people.
My home church sided with my husband. For a time I lost life time friends and finances (I gave him everything he asked for.) The Lord was good. My 1st husband couldn't take our home as it was mine and never really belonged to him. It was a mobile home that set on family property. He didn't want the children, so he gave up all parental rights. That was the biggest blessing as they didn't have to visit with him. So like Job I lost all, but then God blessed me with so much more. He has made the end of my life much more full than the beginning ever was.
I was 7 years in Brazil. It was there when my 7th child was born that I made the decision that lead to the beginning of our divorce. To make a long story short. After our son's birth my husband wanted to take us to our Brazilian home that was being remolded to his specifications. (I was told in no uncertain terms. "It didn't matter what I wanted.") This home was full of Brazilian workers and had no roof or ceiling. The mission we were serving with told my husband it was unfit for a sick woman and new born child. (I had major surgery and almost died in childbirth and had undergone several blood transfusions and was bed ridden)
My husband said no way was he going to allow us to stay in mission apartments (free of charge). The mission asked me and I agreed with the mission. That was the first time I ever in marriage went against a decision made my him. This was the beginning of the end as he could not believe I would not back him up in this decision. I was just too sick to live in a home full of dust and strangers walking through my bedroom all the time.
From that point on things just slowly progressed to a more dangerous situation. At one point he drove our vehicle in front of a oncoming 18 wheeler with the children and I in the car. It was his way to get me to submit to his demands. Yet, I still would not leave him. The children begged me to divorce, but I couldn't. It was not until our mission found out the extent of the problem that they stepped in and began to counsel with me. Even with that I couldn't. I did not believe in divorce.
I had a close friend that offered me a weekend away in another state to seek the Lord. I went and stayed in their motor home and while there the Lord brought a Pastor who I greatly admired. He and his wife spent an afternoon with me. He handed me his bible and said, "Liz, show me where a wife is to cover-up for her husband. When you find it, I will preach it." He went on to explain to me that submission does not mean abuse. I went home with a new look on a biblical view of marriage. But, I still could not leave or divorce.
When the mission called us in and asked us about a specific physical abuse that occurred one Thanksgiving Day, I knew I had two chooses. 1. tell the truth and try to get help or 2. keep hiding the pain in our home. I picked #1.
He went through months of counseling. I went for a time. The beginning of our counseling was more than excellent. I learned so much and mostly about how to council with others. However, when individual counselors were assigned to us I knew being the one counseled was not for me.
First off the counselor told me that even if my husband took my life or the life of our children, I would have to accept that as, "God does not allow anything to happen to us that is outside His will for our lives." Sorry, I don't buy that. Much happens to us that Jesus sheds tears for us too. God allows much in our lives that was not his will for us. Second they asked me to pray and thank God for my husband and the life we had. I told them, "You have to be kidding.". There was no way I was going to thank God for the years I lived through abuse or for the man that knowing and willingly caused them.
Mary, we serve a God of love. He grieves because of our abuse. He allows it as we don't live in a perfect world and he allows us to make our own choices. Do to a Pastor God brought into my life I saw that abuse is not God's plan for us. And God hates divorce as much as I do. But the scripture tells us that "God divorced Israel." Some things are required to be done so that God can give life and give it more abundantly. I serve an awesome God. My abusive situation didn't make me blame him, it held me to him. What would I have done without God?
I have 3 children in full time Christian service. My daughter and family just started her first term in PNG. I don't question if God is good. I know he is! My hearts desire is being lived out in the children that God gave me to see me through those hard years. It does not make my desire any less, but it blesses my heart that God blessed me in having a part of me serve on foreign soil.
Keep the work you are doing. God can take the worse of situations. (mine was far from some of the worse cases out there) and end them in joy, peace and blessings if God is put in the center of lives. He is the only answer to the pain that is brought into life, but those hurting must come to know him and love him. He is not punishing anyone. God is waiting with open hands to welcome the hurting so he can touch and heal. I know. He has taken the pain, helped me forgive and given me life and life more abundantly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
