As We Forgive Part Four: Empathy and Abuse

Earlier, I reviewed the phenomenal book As We Forgive by Catherine Claire Larson. You can read my review here.

Catherine will spend the remaining two Mondays answering questions regarding forgiveness and reconciliation.
On page 226, you describe the 8 stages of genocide. What are they?

The International Campaign to End Genocide has identified eight stages of genocide: (1) classification, (2) symbolization, (3) dehumanization, (4) organization, (5) polarization, (6) preparation, (7) extermination, and (8) denial.

Classification involves an us-versus-them mentality. In genocide, these categories develop along racial, ethnic, or religious lines. Such differences may be symbolized in the culture negatively. This may take the form of a literal symbol, such as in Nazi Germany where the Star of David was used to target Jews. Many times a symbol will also be dehumanizing, as in the use of the word “cockroaches” to describe Tutsi in Rwanda. As the differences between groups are negatively characterized and classified, dehumanization increases as does further polarization between the groups.

How do some dysfunctional childhood families emulate some of those stages?

On a much less extreme scale, it is interesting to note the similarities between the downward spiral of genocide and what psychologist John Gottman has labeled the four most likely predictors of divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Differences are classified and verbalized with absolute statements such as “You never” or “You always.” Spouses become polarized. Contempt for the other solidifies. Contempt—an intense feeling or attitude of regarding someone or something as inferior, base, or worthless—is only a step away from dehumanization. The result is that some spouses may stonewall or deaden their feelings toward each. They have closed out the other—a psychological exterminating of the other’s presence. Of course, severely dysfunction families may actually use physical violence as well.

How do abusers emulate those stages?

Abusers must classify the other in a separate category. Derogatory words and names may be used to symbolize the abused. These words and images work to further dehumanize the victim as well as distance the offender from the misdeed. As the victim is come to be seen in less than human terms, the abuse itself becomes easier to rationalize for the offender.

What can we all do as a society to prevent genocide?

I think the most fundamental thing we must recall is that we are all members of the human race. We share an inherent value in that we are made in the image of God, and to deface that image, or allow another to deface it is a grave misdeed. We must resist the polarization that can happen in any society when it becomes an “us” versus “them.” We must humble ourselves to see our shared humanity in the eyes of the other.

How can injured adults who’ve experienced a traumatic childhood begin to cultivate empathy?

There are several ideas that I give in my book, but one that I like best is a visualization technique that David Augsburger, a professor of pastoral care at Fuller Theological Seminary suggests. In each of the four visualization exercises the intensity increases as does the difficulty of extending empathy:

1. Visualize a dear friend who through some blind choice has hurt another deeply. Think of listening until the story has been fully, freely told. Think of caring until the other feels cared for in spite of the wrongdoing done. Think of inviting the other to make a fresh start.

2. Visualize a dear friend who through some blind choice has hurt you deeply. Think of suspending your anger for a while seeking to understand the other’s motives, choices, actions from within. Think of setting yourself beside the other and helping him or her to make a new beginning.

3. Visualize an enemy, who through some malice has injured someone you love. Think of bracketing your anger for a period and choosing to hear what the enemy hears, see what he sees, feel what she feels, and make some degree of sense from within. Think of offering compassion for the other’s confusion, distortion, or failure.

4. Visualize an enemy who through the worst of motives has injured you. Do not think of yourself reaching out as a friend; no, instead, visualize God as the most patient of friends, the most understanding of listeners, the most caring conversationalist before whom no evasion is possible or necessary, who knowing the worst, yet takes a position firmly by the side of the enemy and invites a new beginning.

Augsburg’s techniques provide a powerful, growing level of empathy. Like a bodybuilder gradually increasing the weight, these increasingly difficult mental exercises can help build our empathetic stamina.