As We Forgive Part Two

Earlier, I reviewed the phenomenal book As We Forgive by Catherine Claire Larson. You can read my review here.

Catherine will spend the remaining five Mondays answering questions regarding forgiveness and reconciliation.
On page 91 of As We Forgive, you describe Dr. Everett Worthington’s path to forgiveness. What is the acronym he created?

Dr. Worthington, one of the world's leading researchers on forgiveness (his work is sponsored by the Templeton Foundation) uses the acronym REACH to talk about the forgiveness process.

The R is for recall the pain. He says that we need to go back and remember the event, remember what happened and allow ourselves to feel that pain. I would add here that when peace, or shalom is broken, that there is a righteousness to our anger and grief. If we didn't feel those emotions, there would be something broken in us. The evils done to us are "not the way its supposed to be" to quote Plantinga's Breviary of Sin. But its what we do with those emotions.

The next step, E, is empathizing with the offender. This doesn't mean excusing or condoning what that person did. It does mean thinking through the wrong from that person's perspective, trying to feel with that person, even imagining the circumstances, events, and emotions that led that person to that place.

The third part, A, is Altruistic gift of forgiveness. At some point, you extend the gift of forgiveness. I like that he uses the word "gift" to describe forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift--one of the costliest gifts any of us ever offers.

The next letter, C, stands for Commit publicly to forgive. Worthington believes that a public commitment to forgiveness helps us when we come back and doubt ourselves. Committing publicly makes us not only more accountable, but also makes this act of the will tied to a specific time and place in our minds.

And finally, the H is for holding on to forgiveness. So many times when you hear people talk about forgiveness it sounds like this one time act that you do. I suppose in some cases that's true, but in many cases fresh memories or pain is going to resurface and we're going to have hold on to that committment we made to forgive. That's one reason I often talk about forgiveness as a journey.

How did you see the REACH process as you talked with genocide victims?

That was really interesting, actually. One of the most effective workshops happening in Rwanda today brings offenders and the exiled along with survivors together. The time begins with each person sharing his or her pain--sharing his or her story. In essence, this is remembering or recalling the pain. So a survivor might share about the experience of losing loved ones. While an offender may share about how perhaps he or she lost family members when trying to survive in the refugee camps in the Congo, or being forced to sleep six to a bed in a prison cell.

As each person hears and respects the pain of the other, an empathy grows between them. This really has enabled many of the offenders to move in sympathy toward those they wronged (or those like the ones they wronged) and to begin to truly repent. For the survivors, it has helped them to realize that the history of pain and wounding goes back generations in Rwanda and will continue unless the cycle is broken.

The groups look at Isaiah 53 next and find in it that Christ bore both our sin and our pain on the cross. Both groups are asked to write on a sheet of paper, words representing their sin and representing their grief and then if they are willing to hand those to Christ, nail them to a cross. They use a physical wooden cross, nailing those sheets of paper to it. And it helps to make that a memorable point in their lives. At this point, many times in these workshops, the leaders find that people begin spontaneously asking for forgiveness and forgiving one another (even if this is sometimes a representational act). So there's also a public aspect to it. And finally, at a later point in time they come together to celebrate what has happened there. This is a way of holding on to forgiveness.

Which part of the REACH journey do you feel people get stuck in?

I think many people get stuck in the remembering the pain. They remember the wound. They don't just let the emotions wash over them, but they caress those emotions and nurture a spirit of unhealthy bitterness, anger, hatred. Instead of grieving over the broken shalom, they move into perpetuating that brokenness, especially through vengeful attitudes.

What is hardest for you? Why?

I think holding on to that forgiveness is the hardest. Sometimes, fresh memories open up or a new wrong exacerbates an old wound. It's so easy when that happens to then unfold the litany of wrongs, and use them as a weapon and as an excuse to hatred, instead of holding on to that earlier commitment to forgive.

One of your questions for discussion is “What about forgiveness draws you or moves you?” Please answer that question for yourself, in light of the book.

The lavishness of forgiveness, of grace, is just stunning to me. You know, I've compared forgiveness to a gift. All of us, find that we are breathless when we receive a costly gift. Watching these Rwandans who have forgiven so much interact with those whom they have forgiven, to me is just breath-taking, a reminder of lavish, costly grace. I think also when you see people who should be enemies living in reconciled community (and when I say that I mean physically living in the same community and supporting one another) you get this picture of the brokenness of the world being set right, like a fractured bone that has fused back together. It gives me hope and gives me a vision to take back into the brokenness of my own community.