This comes from anonymous:
I have carried a secret for many years that I thought would go to my grave with me. I lived in the shadow if a brother is 4 years older than me. All thru our middle and high school years my parents, especially my mother favored him greatly. He could practically do no wrong.
But for me watching all of this was like pouring salt in an open wound, a very deep wound. This was because deep inside my heart was a hurt so deep I thought it had pierced to the very core of my soul. Anger and bitterness took root and slowly grew out of control over time.
I never realized how angry and bitter I was until recently. I am sure it was because I was in denial of what our relationship really was... in truth it was a relationship of shame and guilt because I had been a victim of incest at the hands of my older brother. I have struggled for many years with how to handle what he had done to me.
I have been paralyzed by fear that somehow the truth would come out and it would destroy our family. So, instead I let it slowly destroy me.I have suffered greatly from anxiety,confusion and bitterness. It is always in the back if my mind when I talk people...I feel like they can see thru me and they know the truth. I struggle with letting anyone get to close. I even have a hard time trusting the members of my church family.
I still feel so ashamed when I stop and think about the reality of it all. I have tried to move on, to find forgiveness, and let the love of Christ heal me. But, here is still a block somewhere in my heart and I don't know how to define it is so I am hoping taking this risk and sharing my secret I will find the healing and freedom I have been so
desperate for. I don't know what has done the most damage, the hurt and the anger of what my brother did to me sexually or feeling as if I am the one to carry the burden of our shameful secret. Only now do I realize I need healing from both and maybe even more as I dig deeper into the truth.
NOTE FROM MARY: Anonymous, you are very brave to share this and bring it into the light. May you be set free. And may the comments from many encouragers help you see you're not alone in this.
Welcome to Family Secrets. So many of us live with secrets that haunt us, keep us awake at night, or noodle their way into our lives. Some secrets are funny (think: embarrassing moments). Some are tragic. But many hold us captive. In Daisy Chain, many characters harbor secrets, but only a few are brave enough to bring them to the light of day and find freedom and hope. That's why I created this site—to give you a safe place to air a secret anonymously. It’s my way to help you turn your trial to triumph. If you'd like to do that, click the “Tell Your Secret” link now. All secrets are kept anonymous, and will be posted with discretion (Please temper graphic secrets). It’s my desire that this blog will become a community for many, and that thousands of folks will experience freedom when they’ve shared their family secret. Because the truth is, despite the darkness, there is hope.
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8 comments:
I wish I had some great words of wisdom but I haven't been through this. I would think though that the real freedom would be in accepting that you were the victim. Perhaps confronting the brother and giving him the chance to seek forgiveness would provide healing. And if he has no regrets, no remorse, then at least you've done your part. But never let him make you feel like you had it coming to you. Every child deserves to be safe in his/her own home.
I want you to know that I have been touched by your story. I want you to know that people will want to help you through this. You are not alone. Please keep going. You have made an important first step. Don't stop here. I have seen friends come through this because they started to talk about it and learn that something you thought you would have to take to your grave is actually something that people can support and love you through. This is something that happened to you. This is not who you are. People will understand and help you through the healing process. I am so sorry for the pain you have felt. So sorry.
Your story brings tears to my eyes. To experience such trauma, and not be able to tell your parents is unthinkable. I mourn for the childhood you lost. Just keep in mind this wasn't your fault. You were the victim. Your brother has the problem, not you. I know it sounds easy to say that God will help you through this, but its true. NOTHING is too big for our God.
Dear Anonymous,
It's tough to share the first time. I know how you feel. I was a victim for over fifteen years - by a family member and I vividly remember the first time I shared publicly about my abuse. May you be encouraged that your hope for healing is not wasted. Healing is possible, and you are not alone in your recovery. God loves you greatly and never intended for you to suffer pain. From Hebrews 13:5b-6, "...for he hath said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you. So that we may boldly say The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."
Thank you for having the courage to speak the truth. I hope that your words give others the courage to speak out and seek healing. Out of a horrendous, broken situation, you have just perhaps brought a pathway toward redemption for many readers.
I too have an older brother and although he never molested me he held our family captive and my parents as well by his use of money.
Well now my parents are dead and I thought that would be the end of it. But of course it isn't. Whether I see him or not (not) I find myself so ticked off whenever I think of him that I can't function and it makes me bitter and cold inside. I want you to know that reading your story makes me want to lay it all down.
I don't know how when his damage is so profound but you make me want to try. For this, I thank you.
Wow. I just received an email from my pastor asking me to share my testimony at church and decided I needed to come here for some support first before putting it together.
You see....I, too, was molested by my older brother (5 years older). For years I stuffed that inside, seeking approval and acting out in inappropriate ways totally blocking those memories out. Until one day, at age 28 I was smacked hard with the memories and nearly lost it. My marriage ended because my husband did not know how to handle it. My mother denied it then cried and said she tried everything to stop it. My dad, who left and moved to another state when I was 5, told me to "just get over it". The hurt never stopped and was an open wound for many years. UNTIL I FINALLY LET GOD IN. He took it. He worked it. He spoke truth to me when all I ever knew were lies. Today, my brother and I do not have a relationship. I see him at Easter and Thanksgiving but we barely speak. Mostly because I choose not to speak to him...I'm afraid of what I might say. I see no need to talk to him about it really. Won't change anything and the hurt will most likely just be the same old thing. SO....I gave it to God. He has not directed me to talk to my brother about it and until he does, I won't. Every day is a struggle....a battle of self-esteem, self worth and reminding myself that God has a plan for my life. He has turned my shame into my STORY. He can and will do the same for you if you let him. GOD BLESS YOU. You are NOT alone.
You are so brave. Thank you for sharing this story. I am praying for you and I just can't stop thinking, why should this lovely (yes, you are lovely) person have to suffer in order to keep the family united? This person is a victim. Why shouldn't the abuser carry the burden instead of this person? Bless you for taking this giant step forward and sharing. Now people are praying for you! .
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