Feeling of forgiveness followed the words

Anonymous wrote this in response to this post about the journey of forgiveness.

Thank you for sharing your struggles. I too dealt with molestation, and then my mom accused me of seducing my step-father at 5 years old. I was only able to forgive because God gave me the power.

In my situation, I saw a man at an altar who repented of rape. God asked me if I had any trouble forgiving him and accepting him as a brother in Christ. When I found I did not, God asked me why then would I be any different than that man's victim. So, I began to pray about it. Eventually, God told me that I did not have to forgive, but simply be a vessel that He could use. When I finally reunited with my step-father, the words of forgiveness came out of my mouth without my planning, but the feeling of forgiveness followed the words.

A dark cloud had followed me for years as I thought the whole world could tell I was a victim, but that seemed to disappear when I let God forgive my step-father through me. I still remember the events from our past, and people tried to say I had to forget to truly forgive, but God showed me this was not true. He forgave Israel for their unbelief, but they still walked in the wilderness one year for each day of their doubt. If we forget, we cannot learn, but in forgiving, we can be set free from remembering with a desire for retaliation attached.

Here's what I have found to be most important: We let go and let God and eventually hope to be free enough to see our victimizers the same way I saw the repentant rapist. Why? Because anything we still hold onto can be a divider between us and our Creator who loves us. He simply does not want to be rejected by us, and if we try to face our issues on our own, we must turn away from Him in order to do so. However, if we trust our issues into His hands, we can face them and still face Him at the same time.