Elizabeth's story: Missionary Husband Abused her

Today we're privileged to have Elizabeth share her story of how she ended up divorcing her abusive missionary husband. I hope it encourages many. And please, let's not make this a place where we debate the issue of divorce. Instead, let's seek to understand and offer compassion to those who are abused.

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I have no trouble sharing my experience. (I don't need to be anonymous. I am not ashamed of what God has done for me.) One of the greatest joys in my mission life was sharing what God can and will do in lives of people.

My home church sided with my husband. For a time I lost life time friends and finances (I gave him everything he asked for.) The Lord was good. My 1st husband couldn't take our home as it was mine and never really belonged to him. It was a mobile home that set on family property. He didn't want the children, so he gave up all parental rights. That was the biggest blessing as they didn't have to visit with him. So like Job I lost all, but then God blessed me with so much more. He has made the end of my life much more full than the beginning ever was.

I was 7 years in Brazil. It was there when my 7th child was born that I made the decision that lead to the beginning of our divorce. To make a long story short. After our son's birth my husband wanted to take us to our Brazilian home that was being remolded to his specifications. (I was told in no uncertain terms. "It didn't matter what I wanted.") This home was full of Brazilian workers and had no roof or ceiling. The mission we were serving with told my husband it was unfit for a sick woman and new born child. (I had major surgery and almost died in childbirth and had undergone several blood transfusions and was bed ridden)

My husband said no way was he going to allow us to stay in mission apartments (free of charge). The mission asked me and I agreed with the mission. That was the first time I ever in marriage went against a decision made my him. This was the beginning of the end as he could not believe I would not back him up in this decision. I was just too sick to live in a home full of dust and strangers walking through my bedroom all the time.

From that point on things just slowly progressed to a more dangerous situation. At one point he drove our vehicle in front of a oncoming 18 wheeler with the children and I in the car. It was his way to get me to submit to his demands. Yet, I still would not leave him. The children begged me to divorce, but I couldn't. It was not until our mission found out the extent of the problem that they stepped in and began to counsel with me. Even with that I couldn't. I did not believe in divorce.

I had a close friend that offered me a weekend away in another state to seek the Lord. I went and stayed in their motor home and while there the Lord brought a Pastor who I greatly admired. He and his wife spent an afternoon with me. He handed me his bible and said, "Liz, show me where a wife is to cover-up for her husband. When you find it, I will preach it." He went on to explain to me that submission does not mean abuse. I went home with a new look on a biblical view of marriage. But, I still could not leave or divorce.

When the mission called us in and asked us about a specific physical abuse that occurred one Thanksgiving Day, I knew I had two chooses. 1. tell the truth and try to get help or 2. keep hiding the pain in our home. I picked #1.

He went through months of counseling. I went for a time. The beginning of our counseling was more than excellent. I learned so much and mostly about how to council with others. However, when individual counselors were assigned to us I knew being the one counseled was not for me.

First off the counselor told me that even if my husband took my life or the life of our children, I would have to accept that as, "God does not allow anything to happen to us that is outside His will for our lives." Sorry, I don't buy that. Much happens to us that Jesus sheds tears for us too. God allows much in our lives that was not his will for us. Second they asked me to pray and thank God for my husband and the life we had. I told them, "You have to be kidding.". There was no way I was going to thank God for the years I lived through abuse or for the man that knowing and willingly caused them.

Mary, we serve a God of love. He grieves because of our abuse. He allows it as we don't live in a perfect world and he allows us to make our own choices. Do to a Pastor God brought into my life I saw that abuse is not God's plan for us. And God hates divorce as much as I do. But the scripture tells us that "God divorced Israel." Some things are required to be done so that God can give life and give it more abundantly. I serve an awesome God. My abusive situation didn't make me blame him, it held me to him. What would I have done without God?

I have 3 children in full time Christian service. My daughter and family just started her first term in PNG. I don't question if God is good. I know he is! My hearts desire is being lived out in the children that God gave me to see me through those hard years. It does not make my desire any less, but it blesses my heart that God blessed me in having a part of me serve on foreign soil.

Keep the work you are doing. God can take the worse of situations. (mine was far from some of the worse cases out there) and end them in joy, peace and blessings if God is put in the center of lives. He is the only answer to the pain that is brought into life, but those hurting must come to know him and love him. He is not punishing anyone. God is waiting with open hands to welcome the hurting so he can touch and heal. I know. He has taken the pain, helped me forgive and given me life and life more abundantly.