From anonymous:
I have huge guilt and shame in my life. I am a woman who looks at porn.
I do not watch it on a daily basis and may even go months without looking...but somehow it always seems to creep back in to my life.
It started from curiosity, then grew because my husband and I were having problems and now it is a parasite that I can't kill.
There are days I am tempted and I flee, I then feel peace and know God is proud of me. Then, it never fails; two days later, I am back to looking at it again. Even when I am about to do it, I know better. I battle with myself over it but proceed anyway. Immediately after I am ashamed and feel like a total loser. I immediately ask for forgiveness, then feeling like God is tired of hearing me ask for it and He begins to ignore my requests. I ask God to help me and I put blocks on my computer...which never works, because I always tend to undo the blocks when the urge to look at porn grows larger.
I feel shame and regret and guilt and fear right after I have looked. I want this sin removed from my life...I try...I can go months and months without it, but it somehow creeps back in.
The guilt lasts long enough to get me through a few more months and then I am back... I want to be able to tell God I am done with it and for that statement to finally be true.
Wednesday
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8 comments:
this is so brave! thank you for sharing. it's something i struggle with too, but i'm single. i read it more than watch, but i watch it too. when you want to talk about it, it's either a joke or the unpardonable sin. i don't know the answer, but i believe your hunger for righteousness WILL be satisfied.
I believe there is a 12-step program called Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I'm not sure if they deal with directly with porn addictions but it's a place to start if you consider this to be creating negative consequences in your life.
Thank you guys for your encouragement. When I began looking, my walk with the Lord was not a strong one. Since, I have a deeper relationship with Him and it is the one thing I try hardest at. The enemy tries hard to lure me back and I admit at times, I give in. I know I will be free from this. I claim it in His (Jesus) name and I thank you for encouraging me. I know this will flee from me. I just KNOW it. And you too, Single Anon girl!
If you can find anything by Sy Rodgers, he has an amazing testimony--he has been free for twenty years of the stuff that slimed his mind.
Thank you for your sharing your struggle - and your hope and desire to break this hold on your life. There are two books I highly recommend to you - (1) Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard - and the Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson - if they are out of print (not sure) try AMAZON.COM May the Lord bless and guide you as you pressa head into freedom and liberty.
I know about the struggle for freedom, It ruined two marriages of mine. One day, while seeking God, I heard him say to me, "It will get easier" Not only did it get easier, I completely defeated it. Now for some time. That does not mean it was never severe.. it was. If you are not a believer, I can still say, "just don't don't give up", fight for your life like you always do.
I immediately ask for forgiveness, then feeling like God is tired of hearing me ask for it and He begins to ignore my requests. I ask God to help me and I put blocks on my computer...
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