Thin Places Testimony Month: Anonymous shares her story

I'm almost done with Thin Places - I think I'm on the very last chapter.  I was just too pooped to finish last night!  (Sad, really.)

I don't think you need my validation or my kudos, but I hope you'll allow me to share with you some of the many thoughts I've had while reading your memoir.

Your children sound absolutely amazing and a true testimony to having some wonderful and godly parents.  I love how real you've been with them through some of the tough times.  I know I'd rather my kids not see the "raw" me, only the strong, I can do it all, me, but they need to see all our sides to know that it's normal to feel all these different things.

I can't remember how you phrased it but when you talk about the anger (and throwing things) -- but a little bell went off and resonated with me.  YES! Is exactly what I thought.  I totally get that.  I keep that anger monster under wraps about 99.9999% of the time, but it sure disturbs me when it actually comes out.  I'm glad to know I'm not the only Christian who struggles with that. 

Actually, many of the things you have struggled with through the years, I have too.  I guess that's what I really wanted to share with you.  While I wasn't sexually abused as a child, I still have gone through many of the same things.  I think my "addiction" was approval from others which in turn made me do some very bad things.  If I had to do "this" to get you to approve of me and show me affection, then "this" is what I'm going to do.  You can fill in the "this" blank with just about anything.  It wasn't until the past year that God really opened my eyes to how much pressure I put on my husband to constantly fill me up by showering me with his love and affection - more more more...give me more!  I was teaching Sunday school one day and the bell went off.  Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes.  I came home and apologized profusely to him, and, of course, he thought I was a little nuts.  But, that's really not anything new and that's a different topic all together :-).

Since we're so close in age, I grew up in the free-loving 70's.  Our house was the party house.  When I was a wee child, I remember being the bartender for my mom's friends.  I remember finding pot and asking my mom what it was.  I remember being woken up by drunk people slurring their words and arguing or just "talking".  I can't tell you how many times I was woken up by a mother who was enraged by something and wanted to make sure I knew about it.  One minute yelling, the next minute crying.  The last time I saw her like that I was 22 years old and I was cowered in a corner between the wall and my chest of drawers.  My husband & I were moving my stuff out to move to South Carolina.  I swore then that I would never act that like around my children or let them see me that way (and they haven't ever seen me drunk or that angry!).

After playing Christian for most of my life, God finally got me hook, line and sinker in August, 2006 and I made a true profession of faith.  I wanted to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. It's a been a wild ride and not one my husband and I share, which is unfortunate for him because WOW what a better way of life!  I still struggle with things.  I try not to be a Pharisee, and make laws and rules that I can't follow or hold others up to the standards I have set.  I appreciate knowing I'm not alone. 

I appreciate that you shared your life story and the struggles you have had and still have.  Your story has touched me in many ways.  More importantly, I saw God in your story and could look for Him in my own thin places.  Thank you for sharing you and Him.  Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read your story before it is released. 

I will be praying for you and for His glory to shine through your words.