Thank you for sharing your struggles. I too dealt ...

2009-11-16T17:41:44.347-06:00

Thank you for sharing your struggles. I too dealt with molestation, and then my mom accused me of seducing my step-father at 5 years old. I was only able to forgive because God gave me the power.

In my situation, I saw a man at an altar who repented of rape. God asked me if I had any trouble forgiving him and accepting him as a brother in Christ. When I found I did not, God asked me why then would I be any different than that man's victim. So, I began to pray about it. Eventually, God told me that I did not have to forgive, but simply be a vessel that He could use. When I finally reunited with my step-father, the words of forgiveness came out of my mouth without my planning, but the feeling of forgiveness followed the words.

A dark cloud had followed me for years as I thought the whole world could tell I was a victim, but that seemed to disappear when I let God forgive my step-father through me. I still remember the events from our past, and people tried to say I had to forget to truly forgive, but God showed me this was not true. He forgave Israel for their unbelief, but they still walked in the wilderness one year for each day of their doubt. If we forget, we cannot learn, but in forgiving, we can be set free from remembering with a desire for retaliation attached.

Here's what I have found to be most important: We let go and let God and eventually hope to be free enough to see our victimizers the same way I saw the repentant rapist. Why? Because anything we still hold onto can be a divider between us and our Creator who loves us. He simply does not want to be rejected by us, and if we try to face our issues on our own, we must turn away from Him in order to do so. However, if we trust our issues into His hands, we can face them and still face Him at the same time.

You and I have alot in common. I had to learn tho...

2009-11-16T15:56:09.108-06:00

You and I have alot in common. I had to learn those hard lessons, too. Forgivness is a journey and a intentional journey. What worked for me was to talk of the good memories between my mom and I. I also have a great husband who allowed me to "get the poison out of the wound," as Sheila Walsh said. Several books helped me along the way, The Bible, Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend, and "The Heartache No One Sees," by Sheila Walsh. I was mentally abused and emotionally abused by my mother, grandparents, and Aunt and Uncle (grandmother's sister). It's been there all my life. Then, my half sister and half brother began to abuse me emotionally. I don't think you ever get over it really. You heal, you find peace with it, and eventually you learn to let God use the situation for His Glory. Once in a while, you may even revisit those memories, but one day they will fade into the back of your mind and the pain will only be a pin prick. It won't hurt as much and you'll have learned to love poeple better than you would have had you stayed in that situation. I have forgiven my family, but I do not have any contact with them except for a couple of them who were also abused by my mother and their mother. Maybe that is why they moved so far away? I try to remember good memories, but they are very few. I don't regret walking away because I know I did everything I could to resolve things. It is just not safe nor is it good for my spirit to be around such bad people. I will keep you in my prayers. Get better.

Comments on My Family Secrets: Journey of Forgiveness--a long one

Thank you for sharing your struggles. I too dealt ...

You and I have alot in common. I had to learn tho...